We were stunned to learn that the 2026 Nobel Prize in Medicine was finally awarded on October 5 to German researchers Georg Nagel and Peter Hegemann, as well as American Karl Deisseroth, for their work on the brain.

As you may remember, following a sensational scoop obtained by our special correspondent in Stockholm, we had announced last month that this prize had been awarded to Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, as well as to researchers Eliot Soulières, Christophe Chevalier, and Valentin Toure for their own research on the brain—specifically, the identification of type 1 and 2 idiotins and their roles in the development of various forms of madness.

What explains this about-face by the Nobel Committee? Our special correspondent dug into the case and finally managed to unravel this imbroglio. 

A Suspicious Gift from Donald Trump to the Nobel Committee

The whole affair began in September, when Donald Trump—with the clear intention of influencing the Nobel Peace Prize Committee in his favor—sent them a box containing the famous meatloaf made according to his mother’s recipe, even including a copy of that recipe, a photograph of which we reproduce below.

As one might expect, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee was not fooled by these dubious maneuvers. Immediately, the committee’s chair hastened to pass the gift on to the staff, suggesting that it be donated to a soup kitchen in a disadvantaged neighborhood of Stockholm. It was a noble gesture and it immediately received the approval of all committee members. The deputy chief of protocol, a man named Sven Smorgasbörd, volunteered to carry out this mission, claiming to be the brother-in-law of the director of the soup kitchen in question. However, that rascal Sven—an inveterate prankster always on the lookout for a good joke—decided instead to include the meatloaf on the menu for the Nobel Prize in Medicine committee. Let us hasten to add, however, that Sven did not neglect his mission entirely and purchased a barrel of small meatballs from IKEA for his sister-in-law’s nonprofit organization.

The committee’s deliberations took place on September 17. They initially gave rise to heated debates, with each committee member trying to promote the candidacy of their favorite. Sensing trouble brewing, the committee chair called for a lunch break, during which this meatloaf was surreptitiously served, accompanied by mushrooms and mashed potatoes, in accordance with the famous recipe.

As everyone knows, emotions work up an appetite, and the distinguished committee members hastened to devour their plates, leaving only crumbs of this meatloaf, which, after all, wasn’t half bad. The protagonists even indulged in a small glass of wine to accompany their feast—which was probably not a very good idea. In fact, during the meeting that followed the meal, things quickly got out of hand, according to what a staff member assigned to the evening’s service confided to our special correspondent. While discussions regarding the next Nobel Prize recipient are usually calm and rational, this time the session devolved into a series of the most senseless ramblings and wild speculations, resulting in the final selection of Trump and company as recipients of the Nobel Prize in Medicine.  It was based on this exclusive information that we immediately published this extraordinary news story.

At the cost of countless underhanded tactics, we were able to obtain photos of the meeting before and after that famous lunch. These photos speak for themselves; I’m sure everyone will agree..

The Nobel Committee’s About-Face

It took three days for the committee members to recover from their hangovers and realize their mistake.  A brief meeting was held, during which the committee finally reversed its decision and awarded the prize to researchers Nagel, Hegemann, and Deisseroth. Although the official announcement had not yet been made, the publication of our exclusive report on September 23 forced the committee to first contact the four individuals who had initially been selected.

As everyone might expect, Mr. Trump flew into one of his legendary rages, immediately threatening Sweden with new tariffs.

As for the researchers Soulières, Chevalier, and Toure, they took it rather well, having suspected from the start that this selection was based on shaky grounds.  In fact, Dr. Soulières, speculating that a sudden spike in type 2 idiotin might be behind this phenomenon, even suggested to the committee that they test saliva samples that the committee members would be willing to provide. This offer was met with enthusiasm, and they even sent Dr. Soulières the leftovers from the meal so that he could conduct additional analyses.

The test results

Although the saliva samples from the Nobel Committee members were not collected until three days after that unfortunate meeting, all showed the same profile—namely, a significant concentration of type 2 idiotin. Upon learning of these initial results, the committee members immediately agreed to provide additional saliva samples. Although seven days had now passed since the meeting, these new tests would help verify whether this phenomenon was temporary. This hypothesis was confirmed, as undetectable levels of type 2 idiotin were observed in this new set of samples. All these results are presented in the figure below. It should be noted that Dr. Soulières also took the liberty of calculating the hypothetical concentration of type 2 idiotin that the five subjects would have exhibited on day 0, using sophisticated equations for the molecule’s degradation over time. The five subjects would have shown idiotin levels exceeding 200 pg/mL, which Dr. Soulières described as exceptionally high.

Figure 1. Type 2 idiotin concentrations in saliva samples from the five members of the Nobel Committee, collected on days 3 and 7 after the meeting. An estimate of the concentrations on day 0 is also provided.

Dr. Soulières’s team didn’t stop there. Since samples of the lunch meal had also been made available to them, they quickly modified their test so they could test food samples.  An initial test was conducted using a homogenate of the entire meal.  The results, repeated three times in triplicate, allowed the team to conclude with certainty that these crumbs contained significant levels of type 2 idiotin.

During a second series of tests, a technician from Dr. Soulières’s laboratory set out to separate each component of the meal—namely, the mushrooms, the mashed potatoes, and the meatloaf—and then prepared new homogenates from them.  Tests conducted on each of these components identified the meatloaf as the source of type 2 idiotin, as this sample contained more than 900 pg/mL of type 2 idiotin—an absolutely astronomical concentration.

Figure 2. Type 2 idiotin concentration in meal samples from the Nobel Committee.

As most of my loyal readers will recall, type 2 idiotin is, in and of itself, fairly harmless. The damage is caused by a segment of the protein cleaved by the RFK enzyme, which is itself produced by the HHV-10 virus (human herpesvirus type 10) (see Column #3 from May 2026).  This segment, also called peptide, has been named “TRUMP Factor” (a simple acronym for “Transient Rate of a Ubiquitous Modulator of  Psychopathologies”), and it is this TRUMP Factor that migrates to the brain to trigger a cascade of irrational actions in the affected individual. Since the five committee members also provided blood samples, Dr. Soulières’s team conducted tests to detect HHV-10 in these individuals. You won’t be surprised to learn that all the samples tested positive for HHV-10.

By putting all the pieces of this puzzle together, we can therefore piece together the sequence of events, as illustrated by the flowchart below.

Research is currently underway to identify the ingredient in the meatloaf responsible for this incredible blunder by the Nobel Committee.  Suspicions are focused primarily on ground beef.  The most plausible hypothesis at this time is that the TRUMP Factor acts like a prion.

For our less informed readers, prions are small protein fragments that cause neurodegenerative diseases such as bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), also known as mad cow disease,  and scrapie in sheep.  The prion derives from a protein naturally present in the body in its cellular form, called PrP^C. This protein can sometimes fold and change its conformation, thereby adopting a pathogenic form called PrP^Sc. What is unique is that the appearance of this prion triggers a chain reaction, with each prion/PrP^Sc able to promote a conformational change in a neighboring PrP^C, as illustrated below.

Figure 3. Prion Formation (from https://www.cureffi.org/2016/06/28/introductory-reading-list/).

I won’t go into further detail about these molecules; instead, I invite you to search for the word “prion” on your favorite search engine.

By adapting this diagram to the conversion of the idiotin segment into the TRUMP Factor, we obtain the following sequence:

Figure 4. The Formation of the TRUMP Factors.

Curiously enough, this model could be applied to the U.S. presidential election, where an initially unusual event—namely, a U.S. voter’s endorsement of the outlandish claims and promises put forward by a presidential candidate—led, in an exponential manner, to that candidate’s election, with over 77 million votes.  It’s fascinating to see how the infinitely small can sometimes connect with the infinitely large, particularly when it comes to idiocy.

Returning to our story, it would therefore appear that the five members of the Nobel Committee’s consumption of meatloaf containing contaminated beef led to the delusions that resulted in Mr. Trump’s nomination as the recipient of the Nobel Prize in Medicine. According to my sources, preliminary results suggest that at this moment, only American cattle are infected with the TRUMP Factor, but this remains to be confirmed. Some malicious minds will be quick to suggest that this would explain the erratic behavior of certain heavy consumers of American beef—a group estimated at over 77 million people—but this is territory we refuse to venture into until we have more conclusive data.

_{The researchers Eliot Soulières, Christophe Chevalier, and Valentin Toure are fictional characters from the novel *L’idiotine*, published by the author in 2026.  You can find this hilarious book at all good bookstores.}

_{As for Donald Trump, he is, unfortunately, not a fictional character.}